Butter!

Of course, it's the first gorgeous day (sunny + warm(er)) we've had for months and I'm not feeling well. For our slow start this morning, we made some butter.

I know you can make your own butter by just shaking up some cream, but I was wondering if there was a way to make it a bit easier for the kids. So, I asked my neighbor for a few baby food jars and here's what we did:

Pour heavy whipping cream in baby food jars. You can fill the jars about 3/4 of the way. I think I let the jars sit at room temperature for 15 minutes. So, I'm not certain the cream actually has to be room temperature.

Start shakin'!

Within about a minute you'll have a thick cream and you'll see it start to form in to a more solid ball.

Maybe about a minute after the thick cream, you'll hear liquid again. If you peak inside the jar, you'll see a little ball of fresh butter. No amazing amount of salt and no stabilizers for shelf life!

Just butter.

I lined a small bowl with one paper towel and fished out the butter with a small fork. Pat the butter a little to soak up the excess butter milk (but not too much so it's dry). Then, flip the butter in to a small bowl and add anything you like for flavoring. We added maybe 1/4 teaspoon of maple syrup, and then spread it on to some bread. I was thinking it's going to be the perfect accompaniment to our weekly banana loaf.

The boys drank the buttermilk straight from the jar. They thought it was a bit odd, but didn't mind!

Slack

I really need to do myself a BIG, FAT, favor and cut a girl some slack. I've been such a mixed bag of emotions lately. Feeling like I'm awesome, a failure, a bad mom, a great mom, insane, boring, blah, happy and fun all at the same time.

It seems like the beginning of the month I have my little moments when I feel like it's just the low on the roller-coaster ride. I give myself permission for a few tears then soldier on. Today, in particular, I felt like I just couldn't do anything right. The kids woke up cranky (for the ?? morning in a row), they were picking on each other, Turner is full-throttle in the 'no' stage, he was up all night in my bed (for some extra cuddles) coughing, the floors are a mess, no one wanted the pancakes I made, and I turned the dang TV on. It's funny that these things can add fuel to a fire. I mean, normally, I'd brush them off. No big. These days I just feel like I can't do enough for the kids. Almost like I'm making up for John being gone.

Anyway, I sat down to rest my sandy beach toes and think about what we can do this week and I realized:

In one day I do A LOT of cool stuff...and it was a slow day! I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I've got; these kids are NOT suffering. The morning started off slow, but it's Sunday! I made tiny Carrot Pineapple Muffins from pulp that came from the fresh juice we made, chocolate tofu pudding, and bath crayons! I'm not listing a link because the tutorials I've found did not work for me! If the crayons turn out I'll post a tutorial later this week. I also took the boys to the beach to play with friends, made sure the sink was empty and everything is pretty well straightened.

I am amazed at what a body and mind can really endure. This, by far, is not a struggle. There are people in this world, in this country and in this city going through far greater challenges. I can remember being in college and thinking I was soooo tired from doing x, y and z PLUS going to a party. As a new mom I didn't think I could take many more sleepless nights, but this....this is really showing me what I'm made of. When you are stripped of sleep and help from your partner, pregnant, and taking care of two toddlers you really see how much you can bend. I am so thankful I do not also have to go out and be a breadwinner. I just don't see how single moms do what they do!

Some days I go to bed and never see the sliver lining. Tonight, as I get my 2 hours and 4 minutes of uninterrupted sleep, I'll remember that it's true: what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

**update** I jinxed myself and had an incredibly long night: 2.4 hours was more like 1.

Separation Sucks

I miss my husband. Straight up. Flat out. Plain old. $200 for family separation is stupid and hurtful.

In Like a Lion, Out Like a Lamb

I'm really hoping there are no lions involved in this endless month! Really, there are others with 31 days but March seems soooo loooong. What in the world are we going to do?

Things I hope we get to do this month:

• Make pine cone bird feeders and hang them from our orange tree
• wet felted eggs for the Spring Celebration raffle basket
• plant our Easter grass
• finish planting and not immediately kill our garden
• cooking more for the kids (we're on a snack type meal plan)
• continue to establish a rhythm

I'm sure we'll be able to bang out all of those things, but the rhythm is something we're learning daily. I hope that by the time John gets back we can just usher him in to his place. We've always had some sort of daily "schedule" that went something like: wake up, eat breakfast, mommy fill in the blank, play, lunch, play, mommy fill in the blank, dinner. I'm working on getting the boys to learn the natural flow of the day and include lots of new crafting things and even getting in to a weekly rhythm so we know what we're doing Monday through Sunday. With, of course, room for what may come.

Here's to a break in the rain to get those seeds in the planters!

Learning, learning

My head is spinning from all the information I've been reading about the world of Waldorf. Thinking of the things that work and probably won't work, things I like, things I don't particularly agree with.

What has been working is zero TV during the day. It's been an interesting transition, that's for sure. The boys really look forward to sitting for a show before nap time and before bed time. I've been able to knock out everything but the evening show. I'm not fretting, though: I need it more than they do. It gives us a chance to cuddle up on the couch and regroup and I'm ok with that. They're not going to die, nor lose brain cells over Yo Gabba Gabba.

There is so much to be said about children viewing or not viewing television. I'm not interested in debating the topic, but, rather, making changes within my family. Within one week I've noticed the boys playing together more. There have been less fights (let me tell you, I am always intervening for one reason or another) and they are now "talking" to each other while they sit at their little table. Hey, it might be that a week makes a difference in their development but I'm fairly certain it's because we've really been doing things together. I can say that with the TV on we're spending time together but it's not true time when I'm running around like crazy.

Fun we've been having this week:

potato chip making (baked)

lots of dough* playing

putting together our first nature table (straight up items gathered outside, placed on a table)

starting a garden in our Earth Boxes

baking banana bread (we've tweaked this recipe and I LOVE it)

bike rides

LOTS of story telling! (Turner adores hearing a story and then repeating it. Eli listens and asks for the story again)

Most of this is normal for our week but there have been some changes. Having the boys "help" with housework is a bit difficult for me, though it does work.

The one thing I'm having trouble with right now is trying to do an activity (like baking bread) with toddlers of different ages. I'm hoping to find some insight in You Are Your Child's First Teacher. I've been devouring the book like it's chick-lit. I'm also looking forward to receiving Beyond the Rainbow Bridge and Seven Times the Sun for more ideas about how to better handle the day and to get an idea of what will and won't work for us in terms of rhythm.

*The Best Dough Ever!*

1 c. warm water

1/3 c. sea salt

2 tbs. vegetable oil

3 c. flour

Mix water, salt and oil in a bowl. Add flour and mix well and then knead. Keep wrapped in plastic and enjoy for a few days.

Finding Balance in Our Home

Life is good. It's not dramatic, it's not hectic, it's just what I've always hoped for: totally, painfully, blisfully normal. As in almost everything in life, we're all constantly learning. John and I learn different ways to communicate and make our marriage strong despite his schedule, the boys learn everything at an astonishing rate, and our family learns how to adjust to the ebb and flow of life.

My short term goals are to find balance in our life for the next few months. I'm working on:

1.) A screen-free day. We're doing quite well here. Let me just say that the boys really didn't watch that much in the first place but quitting the tube all day is difficult. As the kids wake up, I have to imagine almost 95% of stay-at-home-moms do the same thing: flip on the TV for one show so you can make a quick breakfast. Nine times out of ten we turn it off and head outside or play inside. But, if the weather is bad or someone is cranky I will turn the TV back on for a show or even pop on a movie. It's no on all day. Ever.

The past few mornings, we've had it off at all costs. The first day, in fact, I had to unplug the TV because it was Turner's habit to turn it on. The boys wake up, wake me up and then we get milk, breakfast and sit at their table. I've been sitting with them to eat instead of rushing around to clean/check email, facebook, etc. We'll read a chapter in a book and then it's game on for whatever they fancy. Usually it's running wild!

Ideally, I'd like to be up 30 minutes or more before they are but I'm just going to get what sleep I can right now. We'll roll with the punches and call it a day.

2.) Not raising my voice. The kids have reeeeally picked up on my raised voice. I won't say "yelling" here because it's not been yelling. They're so little it's not like I'm screaming at them. More like speaking loudly when I feel like I need control over the situation. Right now it's Turner asking "why?" about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. and his "no" response to even the simplest things. It's driving me insane.

I have noticed the boys saying things in that heightened tone to each other, or their toys, out of frustration. It bothers me because as kid my mom was always speaking with a raised voice. I know it was, and still is, her personality but I always felt like I was being yelled at -even in most general conversations.

I'm trying to find balance in those situations where that tone is required (for example: Eli running toward the street does not require a silent action!) and where it's not (Turner's incessant "NO!").

3.) Accepting help. ...in the form of two toddlers. It's messier, takes longer and isn't perfect, but it's worth the restraint on my part. I thought I was doing a good job at letting them "help," but after spending a few days really letting them get involved I can see that I wasn't letting them do much at all. More of my energy (when I can spare) is going to be spent on having them help me pick up. I don't mind going in later and straightening to my liking -especially if it helps me feel more 'together' the next day.

This may not seem like a lot on the surface, but it's a start. A positive about the deployment: I think it's given me more time to focus on these changes. I hope we can establish something different around here now so we can deal with the incredible changes in July -a daddy and a baby!

Last Run Report of this Pregnancy

...and probably for quite some time. BOB doesn't make a triple. I'm going to have to get a bike, a trailer, some helmets and some awesome quads and hammies!

Thanks to a babysitter, I was able to get out for my last run before the Disney Princess Half Marathon next Sunday. I ran a city block and, here in Jacksonville it was close to 7 miles. Seriously, they're huge. Great music and a great run!

I am amazed and so thankful for what my body was able to do these past 20 weeks. Not that I was counting, but I'm certain I didn't run this much in the last two pregnancies combined. With my first I was nervous about everything: heart rate, the jumbling around of the fetus in his little home. I thought I was awesome for going on a hike. The second pregnancy I was too tired and made all the usual excuses a pregnant mamma makes plus we moved across the country and then I just got bigger...and bigger...32 lbs on someone that's never gained more than 17 is painful!

Within four weeks I will have run two whole marathons and that's not including the (lack of) training, chasing around after the kids and rolling with all the punches of the last two months. I am just thankful to have another healthy pregnancy and the chance to do this.

It's been good for my body and good to show the kids that mommy doesn't stop when daddy leaves.

But, it hasn't been so good for...................

Waaaaait for it.......................................................................

My toes: