Thursday, December 4, 2008

Must Be Nice

John will often come home and tell me about his day (mostly after I've told him about mine), which usually includes going to the gym and getting some sort of break for lunch. To which I sometimes reply "Must be nice..." It comes out especially easy after a long day with the kiddos. I don't mean to do it, but I think it's a defense mechanisim of sorts. I sometimes get frustrated and it just falls out.

It doesn't sound like a big deal...but it is when you consider the fact that he'll be deploying soon. He will be away from his boys, the loves of his life, for 6 months (at least...not counting work-ups and subsequent deployments within our 18 month tour). I am starting to cringe at the thought. I cried last night thinking about how it will affect Turner. When John comes home from work now, Turner rips off John's cover and throws it. Any time John is in uniform, Turner has a hard time making sense of the situation -especially if John is just home for lunch. What makes it hard is that Turner's at the age where Daddy = Buddy. It just gets confusing for him since he doesn't understand time. "Yes, Turner, Daddy is coming home but not for 21 more weeks." All he hears is "yes" but daddy doesn't walk in the door that night, again.

Will Ollie even understand? He'll know Daddy's gone but will have no way to express his feelings. It's killing me. BUT, I have to get in to a better frame of mind. I know any stress will be projected on the kids. There will be no crying at the fence (well, I only cried at night), no whining. Just a lot of hugs and kiss for my boys and empathy for my husband. He is a better person that I will ever be. I could never leave my kids, even if it was a direct order. There aren't many people, aside from the brave people that serve our country, that can leave their babies and not complain.

I promise to never, again, said "Must be nice..." He might get a break during lunch, or get to go to the gym more than I do...but he's got the harder job. By far.

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