Coping Mechanisms

Eli has been talking about his Grandpa for about six months now. He used to say things like "My Grandpa lives in New York City and is a police officer who helps people." (Side note, John's dad is deceased and was and New Jersey police officer...weird, but true. We rarely bring him up but Eli is sure of his Grandpa). 

In the last week he's been talking about his Grand"fadder" non-stop. He won't talk about his dad. Not even to say he misses daddy and he's excited to do this or that upon seeing him again. Nothing. It's all about his Grandpa. Every single memory. 

There is a tear in his eye (your right). He was crying before I asked him to smile. 

At first I was keeping it to myself. What man wants to hear his child won't talk about him? I know not my husband: that's a hard pill to swallow! Today, though, I blurted it out in a Face Time session (skype for iPhone). It sucks dealing with that by yourself so I told John. I immediately felt bad because I know I'd just die inside if I knew something like that. 

It's just Eli's way of coping. He just doesn't understand time or space. All he knows is that his dad is gone: for how long doesn't matter. Here or GONE is all he gets and this is how he's dealing. 

Last time he was confused, too. He used to ask any man if the person was his dad. He'd try to rough house with any male figure and didn't seem to realize the depth of John's return. 

In addition to the non-stop talk about his Grandpa, Eli recently started refusing naps. Not only is his world up-side down, but he's transitioning form a toddler to a preschooler. He is just all out of sorts! Poor kid. 

If that wasn't enough, I found Turner whimpering under my blanket tonight. He was crying his eyes out. I tried to console him but all he could squeak out, swimming in an XL "daddy shirt" was that when he closed his eyes all he could see was his dad. He then told me it made him so sad he could hardly stand it. I tried to get him to think of other things -like what we would do as a family when daddy gets home- but all he could do was cry. 

I practically rocked my five year old to sleep.